Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick told reporters on Tuesday he considers himself a “cat person.”
The comment came during a press conference Vick held regarding his recent indictment by a federal grand jury for dogfighting and subsequent suspension from the NFL.
Vick declined to answer questions directly relating to the case, but did say he preferred the company of cats over dogs.
“Cats clean themselves, poop themselves, and don’t chew on my Nikes,” said Vick. “Dogs smell.”
Vick currently owns two cats, but the animal rights group PETA is pressuring animal services to remove them from his custody in light of the charges against him.
Vick said PETA’s request is ridiculous.
“I would never hurt a cat,” he said.
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Alright, so I made that whole thing up. But with the way Vick’s PR campaign has unfolded so far in his career I wouldn’t be surprised to see this story in the sports section.
It’s interesting how the commissioners are handling the controversies in each of their sports. Roger Goodell said it is up to the judicial system to determine if Vick is innocent, but it is the job of the commish to maintain the integrity of the NFL. That’s why he banned Vick from training camp for the time being. Similarly, David Stern isn’t going to wait for due process to determine the guilt or innocence of NBA referee Tim Donaghy. Stern has already labeled him a criminal.
Bud Selig has had a little more time to let the MLB steroid scandal sink in, so maybe that’s why he’s a little more forgiving when it comes to Barry Bonds’ pursuit of the sport’s most important record. Selig announced tonight that he will try to be in attendance when Nos. 755 and 756 are hit because, “all citizens in this country are innocent until proven guilty.”
So if your scoring home: The NFL and NBA are above the Sixth Amendment, but baseball is still America’s game.
Sentinel Sports Editor Ryan Phillips has about the scandals and all the other depressing sports news from this summer on his blog, Off the Glass.
(From time to time I may put up more fake stories like the one kicking of this post. I’ll make sure to decipher those from the real news and commentary by writing the satirical stuff in italics. If you like parody news then I’m sure you already know about The Onion, but if you don’t read it regularly I recommend adding it to your bookmarks. It is a source of much joy in my life.)
