Sporting Life

Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick told reporters on Tuesday he considers himself a “cat person.”
The comment came during a press conference Vick held regarding his recent indictment by a federal grand jury for dogfighting and subsequent suspension from the NFL.
Vick declined to answer questions directly relating to the case, but did say he preferred the company of cats over dogs.
“Cats clean themselves, poop themselves, and don’t chew on my Nikes,” said Vick. “Dogs smell.”
Vick currently owns two cats, but the animal rights group PETA is pressuring animal services to remove them from his custody in light of the charges against him.
Vick said PETA’s request is ridiculous.
“I would never hurt a cat,” he said.

——————————————————
Alright, so I made that whole thing up. But with the way Vick’s PR campaign has unfolded so far in his career I wouldn’t be surprised to see this story in the sports section.

It’s interesting how the commissioners are handling the controversies in each of their sports. Roger Goodell said it is up to the judicial system to determine if Vick is innocent, but it is the job of the commish to maintain the integrity of the NFL. That’s why he banned Vick from training camp for the time being. Similarly, David Stern isn’t going to wait for due process to determine the guilt or innocence of NBA referee Tim Donaghy. Stern has already labeled him a criminal.

Bud Selig has had a little more time to let the MLB steroid scandal sink in, so maybe that’s why he’s a little more forgiving when it comes to Barry Bonds’ pursuit of the sport’s most important record. Selig announced tonight that he will try to be in attendance when Nos. 755 and 756 are hit because, “all citizens in this country are innocent until proven guilty.”

So if your scoring home: The NFL and NBA are above the Sixth Amendment, but baseball is still America’s game.

Sentinel Sports Editor Ryan Phillips has about the scandals and all the other depressing sports news from this summer on his blog, Off the Glass.

(From time to time I may put up more fake stories like the one kicking of this post. I’ll make sure to decipher those from the real news and commentary by writing the satirical stuff in italics. If you like parody news then I’m sure you already know about The Onion, but if you don’t read it regularly I recommend adding it to your bookmarks. It is a source of much joy in my life.)

My grandpa took me to my first baseball game in the spring of 1986. I don’t remember many of the details since I wasn’t even a year old yet, but I know it was an A’s game and he probably had a hot dog.

Maybe Jose Canseco hit a homer that day and that’s when he became my favorite player. I rooted my little guts out for that guy from the time I could talk until I learned my times tables. As a toddler somebody gave me a Mark McGwire jersey as a gift and I always pretended it said No. 33. I didn’t realize the national anthem didn’t start, “Jose can you see…” until I hit puberty. I thought it was a special song the A’s played before home games to get Canseco pumped up.

As a I grew older, I started to wise up. Canseco was kind of a slimy dude who let home runs bounce off his head. Mark McGwire was a living myth who sent homers into oblivion. I was mistaken for not wearing that McGwire jersey proudly to preschool. The man had red woods for arms and I watched in awe as he did the impossible. I told myself to remember specifically where I was and what I was doing when he hit No. 62. There are few moments in your life you know you are watching history. I was sitting on my couch holding a tennis racket when it happened.

McGwire fizzled into retirement and I found myself a new super star. This was about the time Jason Giambi was putting up triple-crown like numbers and riding a Harley to the ball park. He was a bad ass with a heart of gold. At spring training one year he was pulled from the game early and hit the showers, only to return and sit in the stands with a bunch of kids. There I sat next to him and he signed my jersey, making sure to put the signature exactly where I wanted it. Then he said, “Thanks bud,” and shook my hand.

I still have that jersey, but a its meaning has changed a little since Giambi took the money and ran to New York, and has since admitted to doing some of that “stuff *cough* steroids *cough*.” And of course, we now know Jose had plenty of other things besides his own national anthem to pump him up, and there’s a good chance McGwire’s tree trunk biceps were grown with illegal fertilizer. Thank you BALCO for tainting about three of of my top 10 favorite memories ever.

Like a jilted lover, I’m just praying I don’t hurt again, because I can’t stop lionizing these guys. But I have learned a little. I’ve stopped looking for heroes in baseball and turned to a gentleman’s sports: tennis. I’ve been trying hard to get over Roger Federer but he keeps refusing to disappoint me. He’s on pace to become the greatest tennis player of all time if he isn’t already, but unlike other dominant super star athletes, the guy has an off switch. If I could pick one athlete to grab a beer with, it would him, followed closely by Steve Nash. Anyways, it was it outfit at Wimbledon this year that won me over completely. The only knock against him thus far is that he’s so perfect it gets boring. Here it is if you haven’t seen it, and it’s anything but boring. This cat has style.
Check out this New York Times feature for all that is great about Federer.

Welcome, and thanks for taking a second to check out this blog. I hope it proves to be an excellent source of news, analysis and entertainment.

I wanted to start this thing off with a fun top-10 list or something, but a more serious issue caught my eye yesterday that I can’t help but sound off on:

The lead story in the Sentinel Sports Digest Tuesday reported the Texas Legislature voted to send a bill to Gov. Rick Perry that would implement mandatory random steroid testing in the state’s high schools for all sports. Budget planners set aside $3 million per year to fund the program, which would test athletes in every sport.

I realize performance enhancing drugs are THE hot issue in sports right now, but is this really a big enough problem to warrant this level of enforcement at the high school level? Yes, steroids are extremely dangerous, and yes, prep football is taken very seriously in Texas, but how many teachers can be hired for $3 million-per-year. How many music and art programs could be funded?

The article says New Jersey and Florida are the only states that currently have statewide steroid testing programs. Last year, New Jersey’s testing came back with zero positive results.

Way too many kids are out there trying to earn D-I scholarships through all the wrong methods, but this isn’t the way to stop them. The bill would also require coaches to go through a training program to help them educate kids on the dangers of steroids use. What’s wrong with sticking to that solution? It would be cheaper, less invasive, and give kids a motivation to not do this stuff besides not being able to suit up on Friday nights.

What do you think? How would you feel about a steroid testing program in Santa Cruz County?